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  • Writer's pictureJoe Woodhouse

5 Things Nobody Tells You About Being a Dad

1. Be prepared to feel completely helpless

Being a soon to be Dad in the delivery suite is the most helpless situation I have ever been in. Standing there, rubbing my wife's back and getting sworn at was about all that I was useful for.

And it’s the same after they’re born, you get home with this tiny little human, and I guarantee you, you’ll walk in the house that first night, look at each other and say, "what the F…”

2. Everything is going to be your fault...Forever

Your partner has been through a traumatic experience, or so she’ll keep telling you. Have patience and take anything she says for the first few months with a pinch of salt, pretty much like you have done for the past 9 months... she doesn’t mean it. She loves you really. But be prepared to take the blame, for everything.

3. Changing a nappy is no big deal

This is something I was seriously nervous about, I have a very weak gag reflex and a very weak stomach. I was literally having nightmares about being sick on the kids when changing nappies, but like I say it’s no big deal, I breezed through it the first time*

*I didn't.

4. Get ready to be tired

If you’ve not had kids yet, you don’t know what tired is, I liken those first 6 weeks to Chinese water torture. Constant.

I literally want to reach back in time and punch pre-babies Joe in the face, repeatedly, every time he thought he was tired, or even worse, bragged about how little sleep he needed. The arrogance!

But the best bit? Nobody cares. Your wife doesn’t care, you try telling her you’re tired and see what response you get!

Your mates without kids don’t care as they think its your own fault you're in this mess and your mates with kids don’t care cos they enjoy watching someone else suff like they once did.

My Mum actually found it funny! I think it was a bit of payback time for her.

5. Get ready to feel something like never before

It's got to be where the phrase love at first sight comes from. For the past 9 months you’ve been saying how much you love this little bump on your wife's stomach, but come on, they were just words. You’ve not bonded with them like your wife has, but the minute you set eyes on YOUR own child, your own flesh and blood for the first time, ooohhhhhh there’s no words for that.

Your entire world and your priorities change, in that split second

I honestly think it’s chemically rewired me, anything now related to kids seriously chokes me up, I was welling up at an Oxfam advert last week. Children in Need nearly bankrupted me!

But on a serious note, just saviour every precious little moment because it goes SO fast you wouldn’t believe. 

Thanks for reading,


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